Stephen Panus on Grief and Walking On

Stephen Panus is somebody that my path may have crossed with, and at some point led him to coming on this podcast professionally. He’s worked in the sports world, he’s worked as a marketer, as a lawyer, and as an agent. So, it would make sense that at some point he would be someone that I would interview. But the real reason and the impetus for today’s conversation is based, in part, off of adversity, tragedy, and trauma. Stephen’s son, Jake, was killed in a drunk driving accident when Jake was 16 years old. Jake’s girlfriend at the time was actually the one driving the car. We don’t get into the specifics as far as how Stephen feels about Jake’s girlfriend, and we really don’t get into all of the details around the accident per se. But this conversation gives us a window into the grief, the trauma, and also some of the inspiring work that Stephen has done since then. Make no mistake, this is an experience that Stephen went through that was a watershed moment for him in the worst of ways. He doesn’t mince words about how much he misses his son and how much he dreads the day that he was taken from their family. And this is also a story about what Stephen has done since, his perspective on life since the accident, his thoughts on his son and around what it means to be a father, what it means to be a husband, what it means to be a professional, and Stephen also wrote a wonderful book called Walk On which we feature in today’s conversation. I think you’re going to find Stephen to be a philosopher, a spiritual animal, somebody who thinks deeply about psychology and how we can show up as our best. So, this is a difficult conversation, this is a tough conversation, but it’s also an inspiring one.

Stephen had a number of amazing insights during our conversation. Some of them include:

“It sometimes is hard to remember what I was like before August 9th. My life was split into a two-act play” (6:25).

“[I define success as] happiness” (9:00).

“Happiness comes from within. If you can be happy with who you are and what you’re doing, then I think you’ll be a success at whatever that is that you’re doing” (9:10).

“When you become a parent, it’s so similar to being on a [sports] team; you take on a responsibility much greater than yourself and your own interests” (11:40).

“Being spiritual is just being open. Being open to things you feel, things you see… and I think in being open you experience a lot more” (14:00).

“Everyone’s quest is their own” (17:10).

“I think it’s super important to have faith in something” (17:15).

“We’re all carrying invisible backpacks with some form of suffering or hardship or grief” (21:20).

“Our vulnerability is our strength” (21:50).

“All of the answers reside right within ourselves, we just have to source them. They’re all there” (22:10).

“Practice vigilant mercy... Be easy on yourself, be easy on others, set healthy boundaries, know what you’re capable of and what you’re not capable of” (22:45).

“There’s something about nature that brings some peace” (23:40).

“You need to lean into the sharp point if you want to be able to get through it” (25:10).

“Grief is your shadow now. It is always there. You have to deal with it” (25:35).

“The closer you stand to death the more it makes you want to feel alive” (33:00).

“Grief is love with nowhere to go” (37:10).

“There’s so few things we control on this planet, but what we do control… is what we feel and what we do about what happens to us” (44:50).

“We discipline our children to teach them” (47:10).

“I don’t make a big deal about so many little things now” (50:00).

“I connect with people’s pain. That’s a good thing because it connects us as human beings” (52:10).

“Grace is really just the inner light within all of us” (57:30).

“The most important relationship you’ll have on this planet is with yourself. And if you can learn to love yourself, accept yourself, agree to work on yourself, then the world opens up to you” (58:00).

“Grief isn’t linear” (1:05:40).

Additionally, you can check out Stephen’s website here, where you can pre-order his book, read about his scholarships, make a donation, book him as a speaker, and more.

Thank you so much to Stephen for coming on the podcast!

I wrote a book called “Shift Your Mind” that was released in October of 2020, and you can order it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Additionally, I have launched a company called Strong Skills, and I encourage you to check out our new website https://www.strongskills.co/. If you liked this episode and/or any others, please follow me on Twitter: @brianlevenson or Instagram: @Intentional_Performers.

Thanks for listening.