Melissa Urban on Whole 30 and Boundaries

Melissa Urban is a badass. And we talk about that term badass and why she likes and why she appreciates the label and explains why we may attach that label to women who are doing big things, but we don’t necessarily attach it to men. So, who is Melissa beyond being a badass and what has that baddass-ery led to? It led to her co-founding and becoming the CEO of the Whole 30 brand. She’s also a recovered addict, a New York Times Bestselling Author, a mother, a podcast host, a nature churchgoer (those are her terms), and she also talks about boundaries quite a bit and wrote a book all about boundaries, which is called The Book of Boundaries. If you are in the health space, you’ve probably heard of Melissa and her Whole 30 brand and blog and books. She’s really created quite an empire around that concept. But today’s conversation is not just about all of Melissa’s successes; it’s also about some of the challenges and failures she’s had when it comes to partnership and relationship and her own journey and experience and learning to be vulnerable and learning to share that sometimes she’s not okay and sometimes she struggles just like the rest of us and how she’s thought deeply about what she presents to the world and her willingness to share some of the more vulnerable pieces of herself. So, this conversation hopefully will light you up, will hopefully make you realize that there often are no real gurus out there and we’re all just trying to do the best we can, and even if we’re having some success, we still may be having challenges that we’re dealing with on a moment-to-moment basis that may not be presented on social media. Speaking of social media, she has certainly built quite a following on Instagram, and so we talk about some of the downsides that come with social media and how she’s learned to create some boundaries for herself.

Melissa had a number of amazing insights during our conversation. Some of them include:

“I am always thinking of boundaries… as protecting future me, setting future me up for success” (7:30).

“People don’t like confrontation. People don’t like saying no” (8:50).

“We have this habit of automatically saying yes… because we want to meet other people’s expectations” (9:20).

“We have to create that pause” (12:50).

“In the absence of a plan, the brain is going to do what is easy and what is rewarding” (15:45).

“I love the idea of a 30-day commitment” (18:55).

“Black and white rules are actually easier for the brain to follow” (19:20).

“I like structure. I like routine. They’re very comforting to me” (24:10).

“Over the years, I’ve lost that dogmatism; I’ve lost that [idea that] there is only one right way” (27:45).

“There is no one size fits all. There is no one best way. And my job is to figure out the path that works best for you” (28:25).

“I discovered I loved hanging out with myself” (34:25).

“[Women] are often told that our needs and feelings and comforts don’t matter as much as men’s” (38:50).

“I think I know myself really well and I’m really confident in who I am and what I’m not” (42:00).

“I think there’s an element of badass-ery in any woman who claws her way up to the C-suite, because it’s harder for us than it is for a guy, especially a white guy” (43:10).

“I’m really good at empowering people and helping them make changes that stick” (47:35).

“I think often we extend others a grace and an understanding and a compassion that we are not willing to extend ourselves” (50:50).

“I don’t say things just to be nice” (53:30).

“We are not a weight loss diet” (56:15).

“Social media is such a blessing and a curse” (59:35).

“Social media is a pull, not a push. You always control what comes into your feed” (59:40).

“I have really strong boundaries and I hold them, and that’s how I make social media a place that works for me” (1:01:05).

Additionally, you can find everything Whole 30 related on their website and follow Whole 30 on all social media platforms @Whole30. You can also follow and connect directly with Melissa on Instagram.

Thank you so much to Melissa for coming on the podcast!

I wrote a book called “Shift Your Mind” that was released in October of 2020, and you can order it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Additionally, I have launched a company called Strong Skills, and I encourage you to check out our new website https://www.strongskills.co/. If you liked this episode and/or any others, please follow me on Twitter: @brianlevenson or Instagram: @Intentional_Performers.

Thanks for listening.